Sometimes I have a really good idea for a blog post pop into my head. I think to myself what a great and creative idea it is and since it is so good I won’t need to write it down because I will remember it. But the truth is, half the time I don’t remember it. Or I remember it a week later or once the topic isn’t relative anymore. Fail me.

I’ve been gaining new readers everyday from all over the world. I am not totally sure how that happens but some how it does. People find me interesting? People feel sorry for me? People think I am weird? Maybe all 3?

My goal of this blog would be to have a worth while post everyday but honestly, I haven’t been good at that. It could be something creative, or something that gets someone to think, or something that is at least funny. I am starting to remind myself, less is sometimes more. Quality over quantity. Green and Gold over orange and black or pinstripes. You get the point.

Some days what I want to write about, doesn’t click. Some days, I don’t have the time. Some days, I’ve got nothing. But everyday is a learning experience. It helps me grow as a “writer” and as a ninja.

Most probably don’t know this, but I am working on a book. A lot of times I will write a chapter, and rewrite it over and over again. Writing this blog helps me expand and grow as a writer. It’s like taking a practice test every time I post something.

So my encouragement today to anyone that wants to write, whether it’s books, movies, news, whatever…start a blog and take as many practice tests as possible. Read your old posts from a month ago, 6 months ago, a year ago, and laugh at how you have grown.

If you are clueless in starting a blog, I will be making a step by step post soon on how to start one and how to make sure it works and doesn’t suck and all that fun stuff. So keep your eyes open. Thanks for reading!

PS
Here is what I’ve been reading this week. Here and here.

I talk about poop a lot. Not on my blog, but in real life. I have a lot of good poop stories so I decided I should start talking about them on here. Don’t worry today’s story is just about toilet paper, the magical thing that comes after the poop.

Last night I was sitting on the toilet playing Angry Birds and Tweeting when I had a moment like the picture above. Don’t worry I had just enough left, but it could have been pretty bad. So I headed over to Target to pickup some TP for my coffee poop the next morning. aka today.

Has anyone bought toilet paper lately? So much work! There is toilet paper stacked 7 feet high and 40 feet long. Single roll, double roll, triple roll, mega roll, super mega roll, extreme roll. Extra soft, extra hard, super strength, no strength, single ply, double ply, triple ply, mega ply. 1 roll = 2 normal rolls, 1 roll = 2 double rolls, 1 roll = 2 triple rolls. Then you gotta look at the sales and figure it all out. OK so are 24 double rolls for $9.99 cheaper than 18 triple rolls for $8.99? See, a lot of work!

Last time I bought TP at Target I got stuck between a brother and sister arguing over extra soft or extra strength. They wanted me to decide which was better for them. I told them sorry but I am not going to decide which is better for your rear-end. It’s like Coke or Pepsi. Obviously Coke is the right choice but if you gotta be all different from everyone else and go Pepsi then so be it.

There is no real point to this story other than the fact that buying TP is a hard thing to do. I went with like 30 rolls of something that is extra soft, strong and double and on sale! So I win right? Seriously, see how hard it is to buy TP next time you go and thank me after for making it harder.

Sometimes it would be easier to have a bathroom like this.

Get it right people!

Zing!

My elementary school had single ply square toilet paper and you had to get a bunch of squares and crumple them into a ball to make it work. My elementary school also happens to be the place where I saw the biggest turd of my life that was left behind in the bowl. It probably was a 6th grader or the custodian, but it also might have just looked so big because I was in second grade. Either way, I still remember it to this day due to the fear that that thing came out of someone.

I am tired of hearing all the drama about the new iPhone 4 and the death grip. It is all made up by Verizon, Droid, Google, Bill Gates, and anyone else who’s paying the media to talk it up. Isn’t it funny how a very, very small group of people who complain are heard 100 times louder than the very large group that are satisfied? It’s kinda like the church. You hear about the idiots who protest and picket funerals and claim that it’s “in God’s name” but you don’t hear about the other 99.99% of churches that are doing good things in their communities. That’s very sad to me.

Some Key iPhone 4 Facts

1. Better Service - Only 69% of smartphone users say they are satisfied with their mobile provider, yet 73% of iPhone users are very satisfied with AT&T’s service.

2. No Antenna Issue - Only 0.55% of iPhone 4 customers have called AppleCare about the antenna issue. That half of one percentage is what all the stupid media attention is about.

3. Droid Does It Too – Watch the video below. The Motorola Droid X does the same thing when given the “death grip” as the iPhone 4.

4. Above and Beyond – Apple has gone above and beyond what any other phone manufacturer would do by giving away free cases. Some claim that a case will cancel out the death grip. So Apple says, we want everyone to be happy and even though only 0.55% of you are having issues we will still give everyone a free case. Just another reason why Apple wins with not only the best products, but the best customer service and support.

If you use another phone and love it, that’s great. Don’t join the bandwagon and talk crap about Apple or the iPhone until you try it. I am done with the Apple talk…for now.

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It was one year ago today that I was sitting in the front row at the California Mid-State Fair in Paso Robles watching and singing along with Carrie Underwood. Did I just really admit to singing along? The picture above is proof that my fat face was there. Below is my letter to Carrie and to my friends officially announcing my love for her is officially dead.

Dear Carrie

Or should I call you Mrs Fisher now? Or Mrs Underwood-Fisher? Of course I’ll use the – in between since all the celebrities do that when they get married. Either way, it doesn’t really matter to me cause it’s the wrong last name. But that’s now your problem, not mine.

It was a year ago at your show when you proudly claimed that you were single and loved your dog. You then winked, waved, and smiled at me when asking where the single guys where at. Less than a year later you are married to some hockey player. What the heck? Maybe missing teeth is a turn on for some women, but I thought that was only the case in Canada and Russia.

I’ll admit there were crushes before you, Britney and Avril. But I was young and didn’t know any better. They couldn’t sing or play guitar like you. My dad made me take down my Britney Spears posters when I was 16 anyways. He would have never made me take down posters of someone like you.

I’ll also admit that I didn’t watch American Idol but I knew who you were. When your first album came out I picked it up. 4 minutes and 5 seconds into the first song when your voice hits that note was all it took for me to fall head over heals. I am now a fan of country music because of you. Thanks…I think?

Last year, July 22, 2009 at that fair in the middle of California. Remember it? I was almost center stage, very front row, and just inches away. I could have jumped on stage and got on my knee right there, but I didn’t. I had my chance and I blew it! You winked and waved at me and I just stood there in front of my seat. It was the happiest moment in my life, yet I did nothing but get a picture. But now less than a year later, you are married. Married to someone not named me!

I had my chance and I blew it. The younger, less mature Chris would say something like, “I’ll be waiting when he breaks your heart.” But I won’t say that because, I’ve moved on. I wish the best for you and your marriage, I really do. But please don’t come crawling back looking for a second chance, cause you won’t get one.

With that said, this is my goodbye. My announcement to the world that Carrie Underwood is dead to me and will no longer be talked about with or around me. RIP

Sincerely,
That guy who’s heart you played and left for dead, Chris.

PS I will still buy all your albums even though your third one wasn’t as good as the first two. Just sayin. The End.

Edit: This is very sarcastic and written to sound like a stalker…but for reals, no more talking about her.

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